You are such a comfortable liar

cammy baby and babydoll

2005-07-27T04:21:51Z

This is probably the most upset/confused i have been in a long time. One of my very best friends has decided to pack up and leave town for the rest of the summer partially on account of me. This sucks.

I'll miss you so much cammy baby

shades_of_hate @ 2005-07-16T23:54:00

2005-07-17T04:57:56Z

I LOVE YOU CYD

shades_of_hate @ 2005-06-16T17:24:00

2005-06-16T22:29:13Z

So i have really been into editing pictures lately, but the problem is is that i am getting bored editing the same pictures over and over again.

So heres my plan... Anyone who is interested in getting their pictured edited either post it on here or send it to BhotOrGetShot@aol.com. I will edited your picture then send it back to you. If you have a preference on what you want done to your picture... just let me know.

THANKS!!

My party pictures

2005-06-08T21:06:43Z

I know that I havent updated in a long ass time so here are a shit load of pictures to describe my last couple of weekends. Enjoy.

Katie and me being a little frisky

Lauren Beth me and a very wasted Cammy

KT me Ashley and Beth

how cute

Every party has to have the charlies angles

John being a gay rod

I own Tonys right nipple ... Rock!

Tony's sexin' face

It so looks like they just had a threesome

NICK!!

Dont even ask me how this happened

I LOVE MARK

Lauren is one sexy beast

Katie is sssoo cute

Kevin stole my sun glasses... bastard

Tony and Jen are adorable

James being a retard

Tony got KRUNK

My cute little cammy taking a pee

I WANT IN BETH'S PANTS

Beth and mark... hahahaha

P.s

I have the best friends in the whole world!

ow ow

2005-06-01T01:56:02Z

SAVE A HORSE RIDE A COWBOY. YYYYEEEE HAAAWWWW!

yes i am aware that this man is not attractive, but this post just had to happen, i apologize

meories of my past

2005-05-30T03:57:23Z

When i was younger i would lay in bed completely still.
Not blinking, Shallow breaths, and only moving from the natural movement your body makes inside you.
Just laying there on my stomach...
my right leg slightly bent, my left completely straight.
My head resting on my left arm, while staring at my right.
Wondering if this is what death was like.
I could hear and see everything around me, but i was trapped inside myself.
If this is what death is like
I wonder what those people see...or hear for that matter...
"Oh that poor girl, that poor girl who didnt love herself, such beauty wasted"
I really hope thats not what death is like.
The only thing worse than their pity cries is that silence...
that fucking silence.
And that look in their eyes that says
'I wanted more for you than this'
That look that tells you that with all your disappointments
And all your mistakes you just let them down worse than you ever have before.
And if you werent already dead. You'd want to be.

I havent updated in a long time

2005-05-27T16:41:59Z

So me and James are back together, things are like they used to be again! I am so happy. I am also have alot of new friends, its sort of weird but i guess i'll learn to deal. Haha.
This weekend is going to kind of suck. Today after school i am hanging out with james but tomorrow he is leaving for his cottage :( I am also supposed to hang out with Beth but i dunno if thats gunna happen if i'm with James... eh who knows.
The rest of the weekend it seems like everybody but me is going somewhere.
So seniors left yesterday and i am going to miss some of them, although i probably still going to see them (John Brian & Kelly)
Anyways, nothing else incredibly exciting is happening so i will stop boring you all. BYE

I miss you

2005-05-20T16:45:34Z

So last night i was watching me and James's little home movies and it made me sad. It reminded me of how good things used to be. I sort of want to get back with him and try to make things that good again, but a) i dont want to hurt thomas b) i have no way of knowing it will ever be like that again. I am supposed to hang out with him tonight, i am actually really looking forword to it. When he asked me if i wanted to go last night he pointed out that that convorsation was almost exactly like the one we had when he first asked me to hang out with him. Then on saterday i am spending the day with thomas till he has to go to work then going out with Joclyn and Jen. Sunday i am probably hanging out with Desi.
So all in all, things are good but i miss james and that sucks.

Strikes and Gutters

2005-05-19T17:05:12Z

So me and James broke up... its a sad story :'(
Anyways, its so weird, all of a sudden i have a ton of friends, but the problem is is that i have been warned about these certain friends, so i am kinda iffy. Like me and beth (james ex) used to want to rip eachothers throats out, but now were cool and we talk and stuff, its sort of weird. And this saterday night i am supposed to hang out with Joclyn and Jen, thats not as weird but still pretty freaky.

Its all about the smoking popes

2005-05-17T02:57:24Z

No more smiles, its just tear drops falling to the ground,
now that its around that i dont love you anymore.
And i'm sorry about it, when did my heart change its mind?
it must have been near the changing of time.
No more smiles, they are all gone, i'll never understand
what went wrong.
No more lies, now the hard parts over so they say.
Theres no way that i could take another day.
Lets not talk about it, when did my love for you die?
Kiss me once then its time to say good-bye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've wasted so much more than time,
and the one with whom i once was one has now
undone which came to be known as our love.
I've wasted almost all my life being so afraid to fail,
i hardly tried.
I found a place to hide.
I dove into you, i swam around and drown inside.

shades_of_hate @ 2005-05-12T12:14:00

2005-05-12T17:15:49Z

I got a 2nd place award in the art show at school for one of my photos! Woot i am so excited. And Shaina got honorable menchin for a picture she took of me and James. Woot woot for her!

Poor Poor thomas

2005-05-10T17:09:48Z

Last night was very eventful and sort of depressing for some reason. I am going to make this short. Some stuff happened that lead up to me thomas pat and emily getting pulled over. We got questioned and stuff for about a half an hour. They decided they couldnt get us introuble for what they actually pulled us over for but thomas had mine and his cigarettes on him so he got arrested. It was so sad, i was sitting on the curb in back of one of the cop cars and Thomas was getting arrested. He got pushed up against the car and when they were cuffing him i was looking at him. He looked at me and said "Jill, please dont look at me... please"
He is such a sweet kid and it broke my heart to hear that. I guess he thought that i would think of him as less of a person, i dont.
Off subject, today james got me a balloon, a rose and a card for my birthday, and he is taking me out to dinner tonight.... yay!
OOH,HAPPY BIRHTDAY ALYSSA!!Thanks for the jewlery, its beautiful,

Jamesy is a bad boy, tisk tisk

2005-05-04T16:23:54Z

Nothing much exciting has happened. James got his dumb ass suspended for punching Mark Sulkin, i've never met the kid but apparently he had it coming. But i cant see him untill thursday. I have been hanging out with Thomas Pat and Emily latley. Last night i was talking to james on the phone and he said "if there was anything going on between you and thomas you would tell me right?" I mean i understand where he is coming from because if i were him i would be suspicous too, but for an all around FYI, nothing is happening between me and thomas, we are just friends.
Today is me and James's 2 month, that exciting but i cant see him :(
I got a free cigar that was hand rolled in mexico today! I only got it because the kid who had it was expecting to get searched so he gave it to me. I dont like cigars, i'm probably going to give it to James.
OK i have finally run out of useless information. BYE

shades_of_hate @ 2005-05-03T18:03:00

2005-05-03T23:05:23Z

Congratulations your anti-drug is...

Syphilis

I think my Anit-Drug is way better than Bryans or Caits. Woot!

I hurt all over

2005-05-01T04:03:41Z

Last night was the Tiger Army concert and it was great. I am so sore! spending 4 hours in a mosh pit filled with punks, skinheads and greasers that are all 4 times bigger than me is not a good idea, haha. I have huge bruises all over my shins, I bruised my shoulder muscle so i cant raise my right arm to more than a 90 degree angle, i have cuts all over my arms from all their zippers and chains and shit, haha.
In other news i told my mom that i smoked today. She sort of figured so i just told her because it makes things a whole lot easier for me. So .. yay.

Our first fight

2005-04-29T17:19:41Z

Me and James had our very first fight a couple of days ago. I guess that makes us "a real Couple" now. It wasnt that bad, only lasted about an hour. But a broken cell phone and about 15 cigarettes later we are ok! I find it pretty impressive that we have been going out for almost 2 months now and this is our very first fight. Yay!
Tonight is the Tiger Army concert. I didnt know i was going till last night. A couple of my friends had an extra ticket and asked if i wanted to go. I kinda want to be around James, but i mean we cant be attached at the hip our entire lives now can we?
I've been hanging around with alot of fun people latley, that is why i try to date guys outside of my social circle. The last 2 night i have been going over to Tony's house and hanging out with Camron, Mark, Kevin, John, Brian, Joclyn ect ect. Its good times i tell ya what.

YAY

2005-04-22T02:31:22Z

This is the Trend Game. There are many pictures of me at many different ages. See if you can put them in the right order!!

FUk

2005-04-21T01:37:51Z

My uncle is a fucking douch bag. Today he was getting pissed about me skipping detention and i was on the phone and he just grabbed it out of my hand and dragged me out into the front room, he told me to turn the phone off so i grabbed it out of his hand and he picked me up and threw me onto the ground and said "you dont fucking ever grab shit out of my hand." I thought that my grandpa might have got into my face and threated to hit me but i was so hysterical i dont really remember. My entire family witnessed him whip me across the room and none of them said anything. I feel really uncomfortable and i just want to see james, and hes not here.

Sorry

2005-04-20T16:13:50Z

Last night i freaked out for some reason. I was sitting there doing my homework and i just started crying for no reason at all. I'm really afraid that i inherited my moms bipolar.
I would like to say sorry to the following people
James - I made you worrie about things that should be perfect, and i took my frustrations out on you
Emily - Even though you were being sort of mean i still shouldnt have pointed it out as bluntly as i did
My grandma - I am sorry that you have to endure all the times that i scream at my mom, i understand that she is your youngest child an you cant just kick her out of the house with no place else to stay.
Pat, Nathan, Rob ect - I havent been hanging out with you as often as i should and i do miss you guys

Yeah...

2005-04-20T02:53:31Z

I am
I am
I am
I am nothing
But the virgins Mary’s
Game to play
To taunt and tease
With open legs
I can’t help but
To think naughty things
And question love
And life it’s self
I lie I lie I lie
I love
To let go
But I can’t seem to loosen my grip
And forget your face
I tangle the telephone chords
Between my fingers
And remember to breathe
To pace myself
And rub my sleeve
When my heart hurts
To count hopelessly
In between phone calls
That I receive
I’m dying to talk to you
So why cant you just leave
If I hit you will you still call tonight?
Because love is an iron fist
And compassion on a kitchen table
We were couldn’t stop arguing
I told you I loved you
But your face was blank
Devoid of emotion
And I cant help but think
Anything but straight
The ring you gave me
Dangles on my finger
To get a reply
So kiss me baby?
It just seems right to say
I hate the lines you
Throw at me
Because id just rather
Dance In circles
And watch my skirt
To heaven we pray
But it was only
The tail lights
Of an oncoming plane
Well make this last
Forever you say?
SO let’s go
Let’s go
Let’s go

Prom and stuff

2005-04-18T17:00:57Z

Saterday night was prom, it was fucking amazing!! I have never been to the shed aquarium before so that was pretty cool. The boat we went on had 4 flippin floors, i think that was the best part. James looked so hansom in his cute tuxedo, my adorable little penguin! Everyone looked so amazing. I got some really good pictures, i'll try to post them but as you might have noticed i have been getting lazy about my journal so i am not going to make any promises.
Me and James and Pat and Emily are getting in a bit of a fued. Emily is being really mean to me latley since she has been dating pat, i dont know if he is the problem or if she formed into a bitch all by herself. Pat and James are not exactly the biggest fans of eachother either. Last night james got super pissed because pat and all of his friends kept on making asian jokes about him. I dont know, people piss me off.

Sorry this is not interesting, i was bored

2005-04-11T16:55:03Z

I got back from James's Lake house last night. It was tons of fun. Right now i am in CCS Class trying to amuse myself but i seem to be failing miserably.
Well later tonight or tomorrow i will be sure to post my pictures from my trip.
C ya later

havent updated in awhile

2005-04-08T03:17:38Z

Things are going really good for the most part.
Today me shaina and emily went to the salon to see Val to plan our hair for prom. We saw cait there, looking all busy and mature. haha.
This weekend I am going to James's lake house with him and his family, i am excited. I love that boy with all my heart. Such a sweetheart he is.
:))))))))))))))))))

Stole this from dev who stole it form someone else

2005-04-04T16:48:08Z

[ ] I am bisexual or homosexual.
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I've run away from home
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[x] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod or MP3
[x] I own something from Hot Topic
[x] I love Disney Movies.
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[x] I bake well.
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty oF tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self conscious.
[x] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[x] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I've been out of this country.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[x] Ive seen a therapist.
[x] I love chocolate.
[x] i bite my nails.
[x] I am comfortable with being me.
[ ] I play video games.
[ ] I'm single
[x] I'm in a relationship
[x] Gotten lost in your city.
[x] Saw a shooting star
[x] Been to any other countries besides the united states
[x] I Had a serious Surgery
[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[x] I have Kissed a Stranger
[x]Hugged a stranger
[x] Been in a fist fight
[x] Been arrested
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] Made out in an elevator
[x] Swore at your parents
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts
[x] Been close to love
[ ] Been to a casino
[ ] Been skydiving
[x] Broken a bone
[x] Skipped school
[x] Flashed someone
[x] Done the splits
[x] Played spin the bottle
[x] Gotten stitches
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[x] bitten somebody
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[x] kissed a member of the same sex
[x] Crashed into a friend's car <==== James's fault
[ ] Been to Japan
[x] Ridden in a taxi
[x] Shoplifted
[ ] Been fired
[ ] Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex-???
[x] Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
[ ] Stole something from your job
[ ] Gone on a blind date
[x] Lied to a friend
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher student
[ ] Celebrated mardigras in New Orleans
[ ] Been to Europe
[ ] Slept with a co-worker
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced
[ ] Had children
[x] Saw someone dying
[ ] Been to Africa
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[ ] Been to Canada
[x] Been to Mexico
[x] Been on a plane
[x] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[ ] Thrown up in a bar
[x] Eaten Sushi
[ ] Been snowboarding ..
[ ] Been Skiing
[x] Met someone in person from the internet
[ ] Been to a moto cross show
[x] Lost a child
[ ] Gone to a college
[ ] Graduated college
[ ] Done hard drugs
[x] Taken painkillers
[x] Miss someone right now

Goodbye to drugs!

2005-04-02T20:18:54Z

Through out the past couple of years i have made some bad choices. Well they were stereotypically bad choices any ways. No harm was done. But i believe that i have outgrown that stage in my life. Although i might go back to it occasionally, i dont think of it as a part of my life anymore.

So here is what i would like to call my "stoner montage." My memories of the old days! woot woot!